It's Saturday and I am bored out of my gourd.....

Today was interesting as I went to a automotive clinic!! It was better than expected, though.  I won a door prize of Mary Kay stuff too!! WHOOP WHOOP!!  After shopping, we came home.  Yes, I said WE.  I must be nuts or something as I still act like I am in love or something....SHOOT ME PLEASE!!  I love her but I am not IN LOVE anymore.  I THINK I know the difference.  (prays that I do)  The thing is that when I love, I do it deeply and completely......there is no KIND OF being in love with me but at the same time, I need acceptance too!  Want or need? Hmmmmm....  I have trouble knowing the difference now because I THOUGHT I needed to be married to be happy but I am sure I was wrong about that.  I allow myself to be pushed to the side and ignored to give others room to be free.  why do I do that crap??  Insecure that if I am too overbearing that I will push them away even after I have been pushed already?.  Perhaps I love too hard or too much or........hell.  I try to focus on others' feelings more than I focus on my own!!  But I also think that I can be selfish in that want, want, want//  We may go out tonight as we have done that last few Saturdays..I plan on letting loose a bit tonight!! Without alcohol as I have not had a drop in a LONG time by choice(another story)  We'll see how it goes~~ wish me luck everyone that I don't make a fool out of my self as there is nothing sadder than an older woman trying to relive her youth....bye for now!!